I most definately have a ghost in my house.

I have been sat in my house in Blackpool now for nearly 3 days straight, apparently playing hostage to such things as swollen glands (throat, armpits and pelvis) and the dreaded half term. The thing about half term is, I love the time to myself I really do, I love the way I can sleep in without feeling like I should be doing something “productive” like attending University. But University, oh yes, they didn’t call it half term, very cleverly named “research week”. Wonderful. So sat in bed, with a sore throat, rumbling tummy and a mischievous puppy swinging around my neck, my mind is literally going into overdrive about EVERYTHING. Oh, and I have “research” to do, for my “research week”. Mega.

I’m desperately trying to be fabulous and amazing.

Reality? I’m sat here with my now 11th hot chocolate of the past 2 days watching the box set of Sex and the City; I’m on Season 4 and its only Tuesday. I’ve had a hair mask on my hair for 2 days, so it looks greasy, but will look nourished and shiny once I’ve washed it off. I’ve eaten Rick Wallers bodyweight 10 times over, driven all the way across Blackpool just for a KFC, walked to Sainsburys because I ran out of desirable food in the house, fed Frank so much that he was sick in his sleep, shaved my legs, drank 4 pints of Cravendale full fat milk, cut up magazines, done 2 assignments and not even unpacked from my weekend in Scunthorpe. And thought. A lot.

I say thinking about everything, the phrase used very loosely, although he is everything to me, so yes, I have been thinking about my very own everything. Luke. Love is what makes the world go round, right? Or so we were lead to believe when we were naive teenage girls anyway. Truth is, things never actually go like that do they, things are never easy and if it wasn't for love, would the world stop spinning and things would come to a standstill? Would time become a mass that all single people not in love with a “life long partner” would fall into until they found someone in there who would help them spring right back out again.

I've almost forgotten what it feels like to be alone, he makes me feel so sheltered and protected like I don’t need to be alone, and that I never will be again, I’ve forgotten what its like to not have someone there who would move heaven and earth for you, who would travel 150miles across the countryside on a (cold) Autumn night "just because we wanted to see each other". Is this a bad thing? The reliance, is it bad, does it mean I can and will never be able to do anything for myself ever again? God knows, but surely some of the world’s most famous people are a "duo"? Dolce and Gabbana, Ben and Jerry's, Laurel and Hardy.

I live by myself in Blackpool on weekdays right and apart from when Luke is here I do things on my own. I have a puppy whom I look after on my own on weekdays, I walk him alone, I pick up his poop on my own, the lot. I clean my house on my own, I do the dishes on my own, and heck I even do my own laundry. So surely I should be classed as an independent woman, all be it an independent weekday woman. But by the weekend after I’ve been independent all week, its ok for me to need someone, its ok to want to fall into the little "nook" on his shoulder when we sleep and its ok for me to ring him on a weekday night just because I need someone to be there.

I don't care that I’m not self-dependant, I don't need to be. I like having him there, I like him to share the worries, I like him to hold me in his arms on a cold night... And when things get hard, I like him to kiss me and tell me everything will be ok.

Curently wishing i was wild and unavailable.

Jumpsuits, annoying when you're desperate for the loo.

Well what a bloody summer eh? I would like to say i have been too busy doing "fabulous things" and haven't had time to write this. But that would be a lie. I've just been really lazy and making any excuse to not do anything! Ha. But seeing as i shall be jetting off to university very soon i thought i might need to start sort my life out a bit.

Went on holiday to Marbella. If you know me or ever meet me in real life, please never ask me about this, i will feel like i either need to have a 5 hour conversation with you, or shoot you in the head. What a crock of shit, i cannot believe i wasted so much time, money and energy looking forward to that holiday. Much more aware that you never really know what people are like until you go on holiday with them. Be more than sure that i shall NEVER make the same mistake again. As for Marbella itself, don't have a fucking clue what it is actually like - we didn't even go there. We were in (the quietest) villa (in the world) in the middle of nowhere. Drinks in the nearest town, Peurto Banus, were about 75euros each! What an absolute piss take. Safe to say i shall NOT be visiting there again, until i have a Lamborghini and a seven figure bank balance.

Following suit of last year, i had another Leeds Festival disaster. No Early Birds, and even to this day they have still not turned up, 3 weeks after the event? See tickets, you are officially a bag of wank. Mole had to drive all the way to Crash Records in Leeds on the Wednesday morning to pick his up! Didn't take enough alcohol, as apparently drinking all day long for 5 days straight kind of takes its toll on the alcohol supplies. Saw quite a few bands according to my pictures, but i don't really remember much to be quite fair, due to my highly intoxicated state. So basically KP got stoned, Brydee was sick on herself and passed out, Chafe got laid, Greeny is going to fail his drugs test, my tent got ruined, Rick got in for free, Cookie bought a wrestlers mask, Twiggy got the flu, i passed out on the Saturday, Jonny C overdosed on E's and then everyone went home on the Sunday morning cos we are boring shits (it rained and we got cold). Roll on next year, i fucking LOVED it ♥

Blackpool is a go go, moving in on Sunday aren't i (Y) 3 bedroomed house to myself for £300 a month, don't mind if i do. Getting a little bit scared now though, its feeling somewhat REAL and as though i may have to grow up sometime soon, which probably wont happen, but god loves a trier eh?! So i shall probably be on the internet a lot, moaning about things, and complaining that i don't like being alone (probably for attention, because i actually love it). Wish me luck, i'll add photographs of the room etc very soon :)



Oh, and copper hair.
Just call me GINGE yeah?
Safe blad.

Live, laugh, love.

I did it, i told him that i wanted to be with him forever. Too soon you say? Well its how i felt so i fucking went and said it alright. Then we said we were going to live in a little house by the sea with 2 dogs (a German Shepard called Toby and a Bloodhound called Phantom) and i also said i wanted a kitten, which i WILL get :)

It all started with the relationship wrecking phrase "nothing lasts forever though does it". Foolishly said by me. Not that i meant it in any sort of relevance to our relationship, but thats how he took it. But seriously, what sort of an example do i have to lead by? My mum was seeing the husband of her "best friend" behind her back for a year. I now call him step dad. And my father, knocking off his ex girlfriend whilst i was just a foetus. Cheers guys, you certainly paved the way for a happy childhood for me didn't you?

Optomism. Yes, i would have liked to have been optomistic about the whole situation, but i'm not getting my hopes up again. I hope to god things work out, and that this thing we've got never goes away, but i'm not being the girl with all these wonderfull idea's that turn to shit. I've got my head in the clouds, but my feet are also quite firmly on the ground.



I guess i just wanted to hear him say it. I wanted him to say the words "i want us to be together forever". And he did. And it made me love him even more :)

And then i said it back <3

Work-a-holic

Jesus, what a busy few weeks is about all i can say tbh. But to be fair, apart from seemingly working 24 hours a day 7 days a week, things are pretty good. I have accepted my place at Blackpool university and am currently in the midst of applying for student finance (absolute ball ache, yes). Sort of found a house to live in, but need to wait for student finance i suppose.

Get paid on Friday, absolutely cannot waiiiiit. Currently only 23 sleeps untill holiday, so i'm going to get my money changed into Euro's verrrry soon :) Which will be very exciting, as it will feel like i'm REALLY going on HOLIIIIDDDDAAAYYYY. Waaaa. Need to buy Lukeys birthday present out of my wages too, seeing as his 22nd is fast approaching.

And before you ask, things are very well thanks. I am officially allowed to sleep over at his house in the jungle :) Which is pretty much amazing tbh, as we get to have cuddles, DVD's and just general relaxingness. I'm hopefully sleeping over tomorrow night, which will be lovely, i need something to look forward to after 2 whole weeks of work every single day. Boooo. But like i said, holiday soon, so i really need the dollar bills ;) Ha.

Well, its bedtime now. As i have to be up for 6am for work! Blrrggghhh. Not a fan of that at all. But i get to see Lukey tomorrow, so basically going to struggle through the day :) Yeaaahhh!

Ciao. x

Blackpool

Interview at Blackpool university today. Didn't really know what to expect, but Nathan went there and he suggested it to me, so i suppose i imagined that it couldn't be too bad.

Wrong.

The university itself, well the college campus that i would be attending, is very nice. Fairly modern, compact, clean and pretty inviting if i'm honest. My interview itself went fairly well, the tutors all seemed very nice and the student who showed us around the campus was very chatty and friendly. But the equipment seemed somewhat... minimal? I had an interview in an office type room, with a guy who wasn't even a BA Hons lecturer? Seemingly quite odd if you ask me. And he just didn't seem very impressed with me, it sounds weird but i felt like i was ahead of the game and that i already knew some of the things that they wanted to teach me.

They didn't say much about using film either? Black and white or colour, everything seemed to be done in digital. Whereas at Nottingham Trent it all seemed really evenly weighted between Digital and Film. The course structure and equipment seemed a lot better at Nottingham Trent, so that is where i'm really hoping to go. They offered me a place for 120UCAS points, which i already have. Which is good, a back up plan to say the least. So yeah, fairly happy about that :)

BUT, Blackpool itself is fucking disgusting. I was horrified by how skanky and run down it looked. All the buildings looked as though they need a good lick of paint and a bit of life injected into them. I'm so glad we didnt stay in a hotel or anything there, i would have got psycho OCD mental. We ate in Yates, i've eaten in various Yates, and they have all been very nice. But this one? Nah, skanky as fuck. The food was gross, the service was abismal and cleanliness was of a dire standard. Nick even said he was going to write a letter of complaint to the company it was THAT bad. It put me in a really bad mood and i couldn't wait to get home :(

I picked Lukey up some rock, and some humbugs for Mama and Papa. Had a good 3 hours sleep on the way home. And now i'm tucked up in bed :) A good end to a disappointing day really. But i think its time for bed now.

Ciao.

Nottingham Trent University

I had my interview today, BA Hons Photography. And i'm not that sure how it went. There were two women interviewing me, and they asked me a shed load of weird questions. Those sort of questions that you get when you're not really sure what the person asking them wants you to say. One woman asked me what the purpose of my "Seven Deadly Sins" work was. So i explained my brief for A2 Graphics, and why i'd chosen that model, the props and the "outfit" for Gluttony. They seemed pretty impressed, but then i got "so what if this picture had no purpose?" I'm pretty sure that my A2 Graphics DOES have purpose, thats what i took it for. "But what if it didnt?" But it does and that is what i took the picture for, so i really dont get what you want me to say lady.

I feel as though i made a good impression. I'm just not sure whether they were very impressed by the things i said. I hope they did like me, and think i have "potential". I reallllllly wanna go :( and its always the places you want to go to the most that you never get to..

Well, Blackpool next Wednesday. So i hope that one goes well, just so i can have one of these "Plan B" things my grandma keeps talking about. Brilliant.

Went into Lincoln to see Lukey after i'd returned from my interview. Kinda missed not waking up with him this morning, so i felt like i had to see him just to make up for it :) I had a "romantic waffle" in Lloyds Bar whilst we waited for his friend Vickers to turn up. He's funny, but he's one of those people that looks like they'd be no good if you were upset and needed a hug. He's just broken up with his girlfriend, and he spent ages ripping her and making jokes out of it, which were absolutely hilarious, but he really does seem like he's really hurting inside. I hope Lukey gives him a hug to make him feel better :) Cos he seems like a nice guy. I like it that i seem to get on with all of his friends, its another thing that just "fits in". N'awww.

I'm turning into one of those people that i hate. Look at me with my perfect relationship and my perfect boyfriend. I am the sort of person that makes myself feel sick. But i kinda like being sickeningly happy... SECRETLY like it :)

Shower ahoy! Many people will notice tomorrow that i haven't washed my hair for nearly a week. And i'm unsure that i can still get away with the "rugged, festival look" for another day. A straw hat is the only answer to that one, and mine died at Leeds Fest 2009 (RIP), so i need a shower basically, and a good scrub of the locks.. Whaheyyy ;)

Over and out.